he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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