I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
