Cold hands, warm shart.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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