So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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