We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
