I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
