first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
