now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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