My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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