So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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