Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
well you can't waste a boner
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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