I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
