I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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