I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
