no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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