May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
