I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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