I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
50% drunk capacity currently
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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