Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
