Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
