she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
