I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
