Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How does one acquire holy water?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
