She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
