Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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