Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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