No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
