She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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