I need help removing her.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
