What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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