Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
