Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
