DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
