here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
