U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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