Can i not drive my cunt home
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
