My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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