i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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