am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
