They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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