i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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