You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
