Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
