I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
