I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
