watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
