She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
