I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
