I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
