I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
