Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
